Wednesday, November 28, 2007

an apology

the author wishes to apologize for the scarcity and general lack-luster-y-ness of her blog posts of late.

you see, unfortunately the author's back decided to go partially "out" right before thanksgiving, and the author's chosen therapy of two days of long-distance driving...with a resting-n-eating-a-lot day in between...was surprisingly ineffective in curing this problem.

thus the author has been laying on her living room floor since saturday during which time she has left the house only to visit the chiropractor (twice) and (once) to install a very fancy and complicated bit of christmas garland in the home of friends whose holiday gift is said decoration. (in this scenario lovely husband jeff ascended a ladder with fairy-lighted and ribbon-bedecked artificial pine-and-holly garland whilst the author stood in the middle of the room with a laser pointer directing the placement of silk poinsettias and little sparkly clusters of green berries. more proof, if any was needed, that LHJ *is* in fact a saint whose patience & generosity knows no bounds.)

the rest of the time the author has been at leisure to worry in a free-ranging and far-flung manner on a number of issues including, but not limited to:

  1. whether she will finish her assignments for the special and exciting caardvarks events that begin on saturday
  2. whether she will finish her xmas cards in time to mail them so they will be received before st. patrick's day; and whether she will be able to start...much less finish...the mini-books she had planned for the nieces' christmas gifts
  3. what on earth she will buy/make/give to everyone else on her holiday gift list
  4. whether there will ever be a lasting and stable peace in the middle east...not to mention the incipient questions of iran...north korea...and pakistani... (the author is remembering why she made the decision several years ago NOT to watch the nightly news on a regular basis)
  5. what it means that last night she dreamt she was canadian (??) and thus held a very large garage sale in order to finance a return to montreal...which oddly enough she was unable to locate on the map provided in said dream...
  6. whether she will EVER get back to the gym and any kind of regular exercise before she weighs 900 pounds (the author has noticed that laying around doing nothing does *not* make you any less hungry than running around like a crazy person...the author is rather miffed about this point)
  7. whether the houseguest she is expecting friday night has had a recent tetanus shot, and/or could be convinced that the wealth of dustbunnies currently residing in her house are deliberatly being cultivated and saved for some sort of avant-garde crafting project
  8. what on earth the state of her workplace will be when she finally returns to it
  9. whether her fellow bloggers will forgive her for being only semi-present on her own blog...and completely absent on theirs... (the author is pretty sure they will, since they are all very kind and extremely lovely!)
  10. whether it would be helpful and/or theraputic to write down some of her worries in hopes that seeing them in print would reduce their scale and anxiety-producing-ness (the author can now say, to that point, a definitive, "nope")
the author leaves you with a renewed apology and a reminder that by far the most effective way to torture hyperactive and/or worry-prone persons is to make them lay about for several days doing NOTHING but watch daytime television...which she is pretty confident was devised entirely by fiends whose only purpose is to inspire adults to leave their homes as quickly as possible in search of gainful employment.

the author implores you to use this knowledge only for good, and never for evil.


  1. Lauren!!!! you are sooooo funny!!!! and i am SO using the dust bunny excuse...does it matter that mine are chiefly constructed of cat hair...

  2. A quotation I read today, from the wisdom of Clarice Bean: "It’s the worry you hadn’t even thought to worry about that should worry you the most." Well, thanks, Clarice! Now I feel a whole lot better!! That advice definately hasn't pushed me closer to a nervous breakdown...

    Ahem. I just realised I probably shouldn't have shared that - now you may also be feeling even worse. Sorry... it just seemed appropriate... But I'm obviously not one of those very kind and extremely lovely blog readers of whom you speak.

    However, I do hope you feel much better soon and that the worry doesn't get any worse. Maybe you could worry about that Clarice Bean worry as a bit of a break from your other ones...? Ok, bad idea, bad idea. Just pretend none of this comment is here, OK? I can't delete it all now... it took too long to type.

    Abject apologies - and genuine get-well-soon wishes :o)
    VC xxx

  3. I hope you are up and about soon! I can't wait to see what Caardvarks has planned this weekend; it is dh's birthday this weekend, so I don't know if I can play, but I will try!

  4. Ive noticed that your bad back, hasnt stopped you being funny!!!
    Im sorry that your answer to my song was wrong! however, I did enjoy the singing, and will still be entering you for the draw on Friday!
    I really hope that your back is better soon xx

  5. Hi Lauren,

    Well, I had to think long and hard whether I could forgive your semi-presence on your own blog and others, and I was teetering on the brink of "No way Mrs .... get off that floor and get that house dusted and ship-shape immediately!"

    .... and then the postman called. And the most beautiful envelope that's ever been deposited on my mat was deposited on my mat.

    So now my response is .... you take all the time you need, petal. LHJ sounds like such a good egg that he could whip around with a duster while completing your caardvarks challenge AND doing a few circuits at the gym on your behalf.

    Oh, and Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!

  6. You make me laugh ,you are so funny ,Dawnx

  7. Oh no.. not your back :( *sigh*
    If you need anything, be sure to give me a holler. I'm pretty much just a jump and a hop away!!
    You never fail to crack me up! I laughed out loud to the point of getting my husband's attention so he came to see what the hullabaloo was all about. Needless to say, he walked off chuckling as well. GOOD STUFF!! GOOD STUFF!!
    Get better SOON! That's an order!!

  8. Ok, where do I start? Laser pointer, Christmas cards before St. Patrick's day, 900 lbs...I am crying here because I am laughing so hard. Your blog entries make my day!!

  9. Oh, I so relate to your back problem - what a horrible world it is when one cannot move because *something* is misaligned! I hope your back gets better soon, so you can begin working on your long *to do* list.

  10. awwww. hope you're feeling better real soon missy

  11. So sorry you're feeling blechy ... I sure hope that back of yours decides to get its act together ... and remember, all that needs to get done will get done ... the rest will be fine too. Take care dear one.

  12. Hope your back is much better by now....and hope most of your issues have been tackled, if not all!


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