Tuesday, December 11, 2007

the funniest thing my mother has ever said

exhibit a: the coveted york peppermint patty

this goes back a few years. in fact, i think it must go back about ten years, since my father died in 1998...and i am pretty sure he was corporeal* at the time this conversation took place.

the scene: a comfortable suburban home, just past the dinner hour. a woman sits in the kitchen, reading a newspaper and enjoying a "snack-sized" candy bar; her husband ambles in and immediately spots the chocolate.

dad (excitedly): we have peppermint patties??!
mom (apologetically): this is the last one.
dad (a bit deflated): oh.

the next night exactly the same scenario occurs, but with slightly different dialog.

dad (suspiciously): is that a peppermint patty?
mom (innocently) (though clearly busted, she's unwilling to admit it): yes.
dad: but yesterday you said you were eating the last one!
mom: well, yeah......but i'm not eating them in order.

this is one of those stories which has taken on a legendary status in our family. as funny as it was at the time...to me...it continues to become a little more hilarious every time i think about it. oh and before you ask, "why didn't she just share the candy with him?" let me say this: "i have no idea!" many years ago i placed my parents' relationship, along with a few other topics, (such as particle physics and the appeal of professional wrestling) into a mental file folder labelled "stuff i am NEVER going to understand and thus can stop worrying about right now" ...and there it has remained from that day to this...

*the possibility that he was already deceased at this time implies a distressing lack of confectionary in the afterlife...in which case...i'm not goin'!


  1. That is hysterical. And I LOVE peppermint patties!

  2. lauren...this had me laughing out loud today. thank you!!
    you should write a book...I know I would buy it.


  3. Sounds perfectly logical to me .... your mother must be a very VERY wise woman :)

  4. 1) That is indeedy very funny!


    2) Peppermint Patty is the name of an item of confectionery? OK, so now I understand Charles M Shulz's Peanuts cartoon a lot better... Hooray for punning nicknames! :o)


    PS thanks for your advice re: the Christmas sprout cards. I had actually already been doing something remarkably similar to your suggestion... great minds and fools, eh? ;o)

  5. Oh, your mother is very clever. Now I know where you get YOUR wonderful, clever, VERY funny sense of humor. I must remember to use that line!

    The funniest thing my mother ever said was while stamping/making cards with our friend (and in front of friend's husband), she repeatedly referred to her "bone folder" as her "boner." I finally had to whisper in her ear the difference in definitions. BTW< the friend's husband was my mother's boss at that time :)

  6. okay.... now that i've stopped choking i can reply (i was sipping coffee at the same time i read that and started to laugh and choke at the same time - my daughter- who is in her bedroom down the hall yelled 'are you ok?') that is probably THEE funniest thing i've heard in a long time.
    And you know i never questioned why she didn't share the peppermint patty - MY DEAR - IT WAS CANDY...! DUH.... and chocolate to boot!....we dont share - silly.. .well your mom and I don't at least :-)
    thank you honey - i gotta go tell this one to my mom!


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