Thursday, January 10, 2008

i've been dissed by a cookie!

last night we had takeout chinese (hooray!) and since it was from the healthy chinese place, it was low fat and loaded with vitamin-rich veggies as well as being tasty and delicious! (woohoo!) and of course the best part of chinese food is the fortune cookies, right?

uh-uh. not this time. my cookie said...and i quote:

"today your mouth might be moving but no one is listening"

whyyyyyyyyyy i oughhhttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

i must say i was surprised and disappointed to receive this sort of disrespectful back-chat from my dessert. afterall, i've never been sassed by a muffin! and cakes, generally, are quite well-behaved. but apparently fortune cookies feel that the rules of polite dinner table conversation don't apply to them!

all this ignores my usual complaint with today's low standard of fortune cookie technology: generally, one cracks their tasty shell to find, at best an aphorism, or more likely, a cliche. what i want to know is: why do they no longer contain fortunes??!!! i want a cookie that predicts adventure, promises mystery, or warns of imminent danger. "you will be swept away by a tall dark stranger," is an excellent example; "beware the one-legged parrot in the pink sweater," is pretty good, as well. "don't eat flounder on saturday" is more prosaic, but at least contains a valuable warning!

lovely husband jeff fared slightly better, but not much. his said:

"there are no stupid questions, just stupid answers"

thank you very much, that's extemely helpful. it's still not *a proper fortune*, though!

well, as it happens, the initial prediction did actually prove to be correct, because shortly after reading my fortune my mouth WAS in fact moving, and as it happened, no one WAS listening, and that was because...

...i was eating the cookie!!! :)


  1. GIRL!!! you have me in stitches on this are TOO TOO funny and i would gladly listen to anything you have to say, fortune cookie be damned:)

  2. hahaha! You have me rolling girl!

    Did you know after you read fortune cookies you are supposed to add "in bed" at the end of them?


  3. Oh my! And after Sarah's post I'm just blushing. Silly cookie. Go eat a donut!

  4. you tell that cookie miss!
    no proper cookie, fortune or otha-wise, should be giving any backtalk!
    they should behave and be prepared to be eaten! its what they LIVE for!
    i mean how ya gonna know bout them pink sweatered parrots - i'm just askin!
    you are sooo right about today's fortune cookies. bah! fortunes my sweet patootie. they are quasi-fortunes.. nay... nouveau fortunes.
    and ya know what else? they don't taste as good as they used to neeee-ther! :-)
    (thanks honeybunch for this - i dont know how you do it :-) but you always do :-))

  5. One-legged parrot in the pink sweater*??!
    You are toooo funny!


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